When did we decide that being polite was more important than being a good person?
Sometimes i wonder what i would be like without my empty space - it’s been such an important part of me for so long. i dunno if i really want to have it not be there.
trying to countdown to the moment of my natural death is a more disappointing experience than i expected.
i don’t eat because i like it. truth be told i don’t care about food very much. everything - the thought of eating, eating, preparing my own food - secretly makes me anxious. i eat because it makes me fat and that keeps expectations low. no one expects that fat guy to do well at anything. or to be smart. or to be able to have a relationship. they just want me to be jolly and self-deprecating. when i’m not i get to melt away. fat is never threatening to anyone else. it fades into the background noise of life. i spend most of my time living in the static of people’s minds. i’m scared that if i was fit the world would see me for the piece of shit that i am. at least this way i know why they avoid me. i know why i disgust them.